Balance of Probability
by redgrass-and-silvertrees
Summary: There's a reason Hattori hasn't accompanied Conan to a Kaitou Kid heist before. The combined bad luck of the two at a Kid heist is unthinkable. One-shot


**Maybe I'll own _Detective Conan_ when DC ends... in about 100 years.**

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><p>Conan Edogawa was watching TV without even watching it. The colors flickered dully on the rims of his fake glasses behind while he waited. He had never been fond of television but with all the excitement that would come later in the evening, everything around him just seemed boring. A commercial had just come on when his phone rang. He expected it to be Hattori letting him know that he had gotten off the train at Beika and was on his way over. He answered it without even checking the caller ID.<p>

"Have you arrived yet?" He asked in a bored tone.

"Not yet Tantei-kun, you have a few more hours before that." Conan's eyes widened as he pulled the phone away from his ear to check the number. It came up unlisted and he brought the phone back to his ear with a curse.

"What the hell do you want?" On the other end, the Kaitou Kid tutted, clearly not offended by his language.

"So rude Kudo, how does that pretty young lady put up with you?" Conan started to growl out a rather unflattering response when Kid continued. "If you insist on skipping the pleasantries, a little bird told me that Tantei-han is on his way up and that the two of you plan on attending my show later this evening." Conan didn't strain himself thinking about how the thief even knew this or even how he got Conan's phone number as it would only increase his already limitless paranoia.

"What of it?" Conan asked suspiciously and the thief chuckled.

"Most of Japan is probably aware of what happens when the two great detectives of the East and West come together. The two of you can't meet up for more than an hour before bodies begin raining down from the heavens at your feet." Conan winced at the dismal, but fairly accurate, description. "I dread to think what should occur should you arrive at my heist together and I'd rather my magic show not been tainted with blood. The last time you were there together, I was shot out of the sky by a sniper. I dread to think what would happen tonight. Think of it as an extension of my 'Nobody gets Hurt' rule if you will." Conan raised a dry eyebrow.

"So you're asking that I not bring Hattori to your heist tonight?"

"Exactly! I knew you'd understand! You see, when you come alone my exceptionally good luck manages to cancel out your atrociously bad luck and everyone walks away with their lives. I fear however that the two of you combined will upset that delicate balance."

"You seem to put an awful lot of faith in luck for someone who jumps off buildings and plays with dangerous equipment." He could imagine Kid was shrugging on the other end of the phone.

"I take all the help I can get and paying tribute to Lady Luck certainly doesn't hurt anything. And I do hope you'll keep your distance tonight Tantei-kun. It's a lovely night out and I'd hate you to have you spend your quality time with Tantei-han tied up in a closet. Have a nice evening." The phone clicked signaling that the call had ended and Conan spent a moment staring with annoyance at the phone. Jeez, what crazy idiot. He didn't have much more time to contemplate superstitious thieves when the phone rang again and he picked up without hesitation.

"Hattori?" He asked somewhat suspiciously.

"Yo Kudo! I just got off th' train!" He heard Hattori shout from above the din of the crowd at the station. "I'll be there in 'bout 20 minutes an' then we can head out ta the heist. I'll be sure ta give that thief what's coming ta 'im. I brought my bokken an' everything." A few moments of silence passed as Conan fully appreciated all the things that could go wrong at a Kaitou Kid heist with both himself and Hattori present. Many of the imagined scenarios involved fire, cursing and lots and lots of confetti. He cleared his throat.

"Actually Hattori, there's been a change of plans. We're going bowling tonight."

**Omake**

The Detective of the East and West were chatting genially over their ice cream as they walked back from the bowling alley. They'd kept track of the Kid's heist via the television and gave each other meaningful looks when they heard that the thief had managed to escape with the jewel in hand. Someday that guy would get what was coming to him, it just seemed that day just wasn't today. All in all, they'd had an enjoyable night out and no one had died so it was considered a successful evening all around.

Conan jumped as his phone began to ring in his pocket. He jumbled with his ice cream as he searched in the pocket for his phone. Ran was probably still with Sonoko at the heist; Agasa was busy with the Shonen Tantei-dan so he really didn't have any idea who would be calling at this time of night. The unlisted number which appeared on his caller ID had him glaring and he answered the phone with an angry sigh.

"You already got away with the jewel, there's no reason to gloat you stupid thief." Hattori shot him a look while Conan listened to the Kid mutter on the other end.

"Ah yes good evening, by any chance are you in Eastern Beika? Over by Teitan Middle School?" Conan blinked at the strange question while he turned to shrug at Hattori.

"Uh yes, we just passed by the school about 15 minutes ago, why?" Conan could have sworn he'd heard the sound of muffled curses were talking to anyone else. The Kid was never anything but elegant and suave. "Kid? Is everything ok?" More mutterings.

"Just peachy Tantei-kun, I just thought I would be the first to warn you and Tantei-han that your radius for disaster has widened beyond my wildest fears. Next time I would appreciate you if you two arranged your outings far, far away from my heists." Conan didn't have a chance to get in another word as the phantom thief had already hung up. Conan pulled back and stared at the phone. Hattori gave him a light bump on the head.

"What was that all about?" Conan tapped his phone to his lips before tucking it into his back pocket with a small smirk.

"You came to Tokyo in order to put the Kid in his place right? Well I think our combined bad luck was enough to give him a good dose of humility." Not more than 10 minutes away from the snickering detectives; a very cranky Kaitou Kid was hanging upside down in a tree trying to detangle his hang glider from the stubborn branches. The cuts on his hands and face were ignored for the time being as he continued to grumble under his breath.

"Stupid Tanteis with their stupid, annoying, rotten luck infecting me. How the heck could they have altered the weather patterns and make the glider crash? Pair of walking hazards they are; shouldn't even be allowed outside together. Bodies falling from the sky what a stupid, stupid- I'm not even dead and I'm still-" the thief was cut off as a shift in his weight caused the branches holding him up to snap and he hit the ground with a loud thunk. He moaned and watched the stars spin in front of his eyes for a minute. "That's it, no more heists around visits from Tantei-han."

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><p>This is the real reason we never see Hattori at Kid heists. The manga-ka is too fearful of the effects of the combined bad luck would have at a chaotic Kid heist. This was written over the course of 2 hours on a stupid thought that popped into my head. If the story quality seems less adequate than normal, it's because usually my ideas take a day or 2 to gestate before being written. This I thought of an opened Word 3 seconds later. Still, fun is fun is fun. Plus the fact that their bad luck causes the great Kaitou Kid to fall (the curse doesn't specify <em>dead<em> bodies) still has me giggling impolitely.


End file.
